Proposition 8 is an initiative measure on the 2008 California General Election ballot. If passed it would amend the California Constitution with a new section that would read "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."(from Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Proposition_8_(2008))Our church Sunday service focused on Proposition 8. As a church (Unitarian Universalism), we support marriage for all adults, regardless of sexual orientation or gender. The UU position on marriage equality for all is one of the specific reasons that I was drawn to the religion. Not coincidentally, I chose to leave the church of my upbringing largely due to its very conservative view on homosexuality. I learned at Sunday's service that my former church was organizing to have one million lawn signs placed in California expressing support for Proposition 8. That's a tough effort to counter, but we have begun at home, with a sign on our lawn urging citizens to vote NO on Proposition 8.
It is difficult for me to understand conservative thinking about homosexuality and gay marriage. I know a lot of people who believe that homosexuality is morally wrong, a sin second only to murder. This was the teaching in the church of my upbringing, though I never signed on to that wholeheartedly. Going back to my youth and not having experienced same-sex attraction myself, for a long time it was easy to ignore that it may exist. While I remained unaware of any acquaintances who experienced same-sex attraction, I had no evidence to counter the assertion that homosexuality was a sin. I didn't really have any reason to question the teaching that homosexuality is an abomination.
Once I reached college age, I started asking more difficult questions, of myself and of my religion. I wondered about the nature of God, whether s/he existed or cared about the everyday goings-on of my life. I wondered about the validity of the requirements that I had learned were necessary to return to God's presence someday. I wondered about the justice of people being born into various situations, e.g. U.S. citizens vs. third-world inhabitants; abusive vs. loving environments; naturally high IQ vs. mentally challenged; white vs. non-white; straight vs. gay. The list goes on and on. Why would some of God's children be given such distinct advantages, while others be given such challenges, if we were all held to the same set of standards?
After some friends had come out to me, the question of being straight vs. gay became particularly challenging for me. In my religious upbringing, I was taught that God's fundamental unit was family, and that family was defined minimally as a man married to a woman. Neither could return to God's presence without an opposite-sex, worthy spouse. That teaching worked well for my specific case -- I am attracted to men, and always had a desire to find an eternal partner and to be married one day. I believed, however, that my gay friends were just as naturally and strongly attracted to members of the same sex as I was to members of the opposite sex. Lying to oneself and to a potential opposite-sex marriage partner didn't seem like a workable solution for gay people. According to my former church, if someone was gay and didn't marry an opposite-sex partner, s/he was to remain celibate during life on Earth to be worthy to return to God. Presumably after death the person would be paired up with another worthy, opposite-sex partner to return to God's presence. That didn't sound like much of a motivation to me for living a celibate life devoid of intimate relationships, just to live an eternity with someone to whom a gay person fundamentally wasn't attracted.
For many years I continued staying faithful to my church, though I found my religion's view on homosexuality and the eternal nature of gender very troubling. I was pushed over the edge, however, when California was faced with voting on Proposition 22 in 2000. I was disappointed to see the fervor with which fellow church members across the U.S. and around the world pushed for Proposition 22 to be passed. Though I lived far from California at that time, I was asked by church leaders to spiritually and financially support the efforts to get Proposition 22 passed. Seeing the extremes to which the church supported this initiative, I realized that I could no longer support or participate in such a church.
The people in my former church aren't bad or malicious. Most are well-educated. They are trying to live good lives, raise good children, and contribute in their own way to society. They don't teach hate. So it's difficult to understand how they can be against love. Well, at least particular types of love.
My view is that I am fortunate and blessed to experience love of the intimate kind that I share with CMS. I hope that it is something available to all who desire it in their lives, with someone who is a good match for them. I think that true, intimate love is rare. We are fortunate if we get to experience it at all in our lives. How could I imagine that being withheld from someone based on the gender of their partner? Or their race? Or their physical or mental abilities? I choose to stand on the side of love, believing that a loving God would want that for us.
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